neyronrose (neyronrose) wrote,

rambling about online stuff and a bit about real life

Things have been a little weird.  I had a talk with someone about how you sort of build up "good will equity" or "friendship equity" with people.  I think part of that would be if they don't understand something you did, or it struck them wrong, they'd ask you rather than assuming hostility.  You can have a certain amount of trust or comfort level with the person.

I have a lot of "good will equity" or even "friendship equity" with some of the students in the GLBT organization at the university.  Some of the students I knew very well have graduated, but there are still a couple of juniors who know me as well as anyone, and a few seniors who know who I am.  I missed a lot by not getting to know the freshmen first-year students and other new students in the organization this fall, but that couldn't be helped.

The students who know me trust that I'll try to give advice, if asked, that's in their best interests, as far as I can figure out.  They know that they can talk to me about things.  The ones who don't know me so well I suppose still look up to me as a sort of authority figure (yes, that's a lol).  Well, I'm certainly a lot more mature and I guess more balanced than I was back then.  I guess in some ways it's easier to get to know each other in real life, as you can see expressions and body language, and hear tones of voice.

There are those online people I've built up some equity like that with.  It's been over a couple of years of exchanged comments or so, then at some point getting to be e-mail as well.  This is an interesting choice of example, but TeddyPig and I have been discussing various things lately.  There are things we agree to disagree on, but there are things we have similar opinions on, too.  I said that I appreciated getting the "expert opinion" from my secret love child.  Unlike those authors who apparently "never met a man," I trust S. knows what he's talking about when we discuss quick interactions and relationships with men.

It's getting kind of weird on AfterElton with a couple of my comments, when people thought I was being hostile, even homophobic.  I explained about one comment that I hadn't meant it that way.  I realized that I had no "good will equity" there at all, when I thought I had.  It's really freaky to me that people assume I'm being hostile.  I guess writing it out is helping me deal with it and feel better about it.  I just need to step back and realize more that I don't have "friends" there.

Added: My explanation was accepted.

I need to concentrate on my actual friends and my work, and try to think positive about moving out.  My brother offered to help me, and P. offered to help me.  I'll just stay away from the negativity as much as possible, and try not to get into too many discussions where what I say will be taken wrong.


Tags: rambling

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