Continuing with my take on that controversy...
I think it's very odd that it's mostly women arguing about what they can and can't write about the sexuality of gay men. The reaction I've gotten from gay men who hear about what I read and edit has mostly been, "You read what?" followed by giggles. Of course, the great majority of them are teenagers, and they've heard of slash fiction. S. really enjoyed Channeling Morpheus. He was talking about Michael and Wild Bill for quite some time after he read the book. Of course, I tell the kids that I much prefer the books that have more realistic characters acting the way men might possibly act, within romance novel limits.
S. kept telling me he wanted to read the bad stories, so he would have something to laugh about. The kids got a kick of hearing how I wrote an "Ouch, ouch, ouch, no!" comment for a scene in which the protagonists didn't use lubrication for anal sex. S. heard me rant about some of the things I'd read. I explained how in some stories I thought were bad, the submissive partner is marked by being shorter, with prettier features, and also often cries a lot and generally acts girly. S. asked me, "Have those writers ever met any gay men?"
"That's exactly what I ask myself when I read that kind of thing," I said, "and apparently not." He still thought they'd be funny to read. We talked about what would be realistic or not, and he seemed to think that I had a clue. I told him I'd ask him if I had questions about what might be physically possible. He looked forward to being my 6' 4" tall "little helper." I didn't really run into any m/m stories that were that bad on what the guys could physically do during that semester, not ones that were hysterically funny. I think the editors catch a lot of that before the books go for proofreading, and definitely before line edits in most cases.
I should note for any new readers that the "kids" are students who are members of the GLBT organization at a local university, so they're at least eighteen. I told S. about Tom of Finland, then the next time I saw him, I said, "But you're not supposed to go on the official website until you're twenty-one."
He was nineteen at the time, and said, "Oh, well." From what he and others told me, he'd been around the block a few times. So that's been my experience, young men taking my stories about the bad books and poorly-written scenes I've read as humorous. They didn't feel threatened by the idea of women writing romances about gay men. I'm not sure how they took my quest for realism of character, even in paranormal books. At least they must have gotten the impression that I gave a damn about how gay men were portrayed.
More thoughts later...